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Thread: Painful Puns

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Stratford upon Avon

    Default Painful Puns

    The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He gained his size from too much pi.

    I thought I saw and eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

    A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of maths disruption.

    No matter how much you push the envelope it'll still be stationery.

    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in 'Linoleum Blown Apart'.

    Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    A hole was found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    Two hats were hanging on a hat-rack in a hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on ahead"

    I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    The little person fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    In a democracy it is your vote that counts. In feudalism it is your Count that votes.

    If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they decided to light a fire in the boat. Unsurprisingly, it sank. Thereby proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

    Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive'.

    There was a person who sent ten puns to friends in the hope that at least one would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

    Last edited by dmmbruce; 17th December 2014 at 05:03 PM.
    Nothing works on an old boat, except the skipper.

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